Is German Science in a Crisis? Perish or Perish!
TL;DR: For 10 years, I am the black sheep. I am wrong, not creative, not novel, misbehaving, unsuitable for the field, not workable with — you name it. But why is it important after all? The article sheds light on my 10-year-long science journey that reads more like a crime novel than a boring job (although I am rarely paid).
How it all started
I went all-in, I left a secure job in the industry to become a scientist who contributes his skills and brain to science to get rewarded myself. Because in industry, I would never be awarded anything for my creativity yet being even able to fully use it. It sounded like a good idea. In our free society, everyone can make it with enough skills, effort, and luck. And luck is just a matter of how hard you try. You can’t always fail, right? Well, I am not sure.
Starting at University
I promised to myself. When I am at university, I am not going to waste any time. I am going all in. And I went. I got an assistant in my 2nd year in bachelor and started doing research on the side. And ever since I am having trouble. The same troubles as in industry. People would rather not acknowledge my work, or sometimes even worse, actively hinder me doing my work. I hear phrases like “good luck with that”, or “we hope that you will continue having success”. I always thought, well, some day there will be a success. And it eventually came.
It had many reasons because my work was not good, or not novel enough. But then, others had no problem claiming it their own. So what is the real problem? The answer must be that I am the difficulty, right? But then why would people always continue the pattern of letting me start, then letting me do my work, and then try to pull any claims of it away from me? I did not understand. Well, not until I started to publish.
The Problem of Publishing My Research
The scope of the problem was not entirely clear to me until I actually started to publish my work. At some point during my Master’s degree, having survived several schemes, including a couple of lawsuits, that tried to shut me down, I was sure. I will just start to publish now, and don’t rely on any good will of someone else. Because in the end, my urge for collaboration and a harmonic environment that solves real-world problems framed me as someone you can’t hire in the perspective of AI algorithms. Weird, right? Twisted, for sure!
And that problem, of not being able to contribute outside the university system any more, meant for me, either I demand my sport there or I am forever a slave of this slavery machine. The pattern of slavery consists of making me excited and wanting to create, to just rip away the results of me without ever acknowledging them and in the process harming me or even my family.
So I published, and things got even worse. Now suddenly everyone wanted to have claims for a patent or far too interested people wanted to know the exact ins and outs of each invention, when they could just read them in the paper. It was so strange.
But it went further. Being satisfied with my Master’s degrees after the long period of fights, where I could somehow find supporters, the size of the problem became apparent. It's of international size. I just went to get a job to finish the work I started and be able to self-fund the work to be able to avoid any clashes with IP concerns in the future.
But also this went entirely wrong. Everywhere I came was just another station of the same twisted principles and patterns. Occasionally, I had the impression someone would hire me only to hack my laptop (because it was often hacked during work hours). But I also thought that’s too much of a conspiracy-theory.
So I thought, okay. Being self-employed is going to work, right? Well, the difficulty stretched to platforms as well. Whenever I needed to obey some negotiations about my inventions, my ratings on the platforms dropped. As a result, I had less room to negotiate and felt more fear of losing my life.
People won’t pay their bills or make me work long hours effectively keeping me from what I want and need to do to grind money. But well, that’s business. So I went to harsher rules regarding my business. Less trust, more control. A brave new world.
Then in the end, I wondered what life do I have? Until now, it was a life of slavery. A life of sacrificing my youth and brainpower to some plagiaristic society of weird ideologies I did not even fully understand or adhere to.
So I continued with science. Starting a PhD and finishing whatever is left on that side? Well, I did that now for the third time and the results are always the same.
What happened during my PhDs
It all just starts very nice. As always, I am super curious and open to the people. I start to get creative and start to discuss the new field. But at all stations I realized, if I actually want to execute them, there is some problem. There is an invisible wall. Something seems not right.
Initially, I am always ignoring that and continue as if there was not a problem. Because what are you telling your boss, why your stuff is not progressing? And I learned that this is something we call competition. Okay great, if it’s a competition then may the best win, right? At my computer and with my pencil, I do not depend on others during the “competition”. So I will most likely win.
Well, of course, like everywhere, it is not that easy. From what I learned, it is not a good idea to be the best because the moment I published, I was always kicked out of my PhDs. Yet, I am at the university to publish. It is my job — literally written in my contract. It’s the fundamental task of a scientist. Then why do I get trouble when I publish? Please me lord, explain.
During my first stations, it was always the problem, that I published alone because I did not have any contact with my professor and wanted to protect the work without getting them into trouble. I always thought you can talk later and still add them to the publication if appropriate. At least that was what everyone was telling me: You don't publish alone. But well, I did, and that was a difficulty.
A new chance — A new hope
For some reason, that I do not fully understand, I got the chance to do another PhD. I thought that it must be different this time. Because everyone can see, I am after publishing and completing my PhD and whatever games won’t work and will most likely backfire.
However, starting in that position, I felt soon trapped. The payment is low, I had to move to another city, and the state seemed to have started to exercise control by placing surveillance on one phone and stealing another.
Furthermore, one of my laptops I used for coding vanished during the first weeks. The circumstances are setup in a way that it sucks me dry financially. To be honest, it’s all super cruel and does not really feel like anything good at all. I knew this pattern from my first research during my Bachelor in my early twenties.
At this station also my passport and everything suddenly vanished, and my laptop, as well as my personal email, was constantly compromised. The hacked email account could never be recovered or locked, and the police did not even try to help.
These were all things, I did not fully understand. Or at least did not want to understand in their full dimension. After all, I am just a young looser, interested in chemistry and of no relevance to anyone, right? Everything else would be at least paranoid or megalomaniac. That was clear even to my limited intellect.
This time it's different, right?
But I thought, nah, this time it's different. Moreover, because, the game escalated to a political drama that involves a lot of money and hopes, I thought it won’t go wrong. I felt like I had suffered enough. Robbed for 10 years of my money and creative work, I thought the karma or whatever will take care, that this time, everything is different.
I really believed it. So when the time came and the scheme evolved to the final stage (ratings on freelancer platforms already dropping, side-hustles application bounced or apps not working), files on my work computer started to vanish and appointments started to collide. Coincidences started to isolate me from the local scientific community, mostly via appointment clashes. Everything was business as usual. BAU scenario.
I knew these patterns already from some industry jobs. This is a common technique to pretend someone cannot work. Everything was the exact way as during all my stations during the past 10 years. And it reads paranoid, I must admit. But I recorded everything this time using mostly pen and paper. Of course, for my psyche it is rather relieving to see because after all, you can’t believe your sanity in such situations, right? It has to be your fault.
So I started to defend myself. This time I am going to fight. I won’t chat about it with any girl in depth, and I won’t even think about calling the police. I will be a real man and stand my ground. And it seemed to work.
Publish or perish vs perish or perish
Then again, I had to publish the results, to secure them for me and the professor, because of the invasion into my work computer. In theory, this is great, right? But of course, I am afraid: Will it fail my PhD again? Isn’t it the right thing to do? Why is it wrong? The move made sure, we own the IP and can file patents together, even with the university. So I can’t see any problem. Because it seemed to be a difficulty during my recent stations that I am the sole owner of the associated IP.
But then, maybe the difficulty this time lies in the we- and the together-part because those still include me? Or is the problem just some atypical behaviour of mine? Like not talking enough to colleagues, or just a bit too much? Of course, there can always be a reason and especially the western work culture has so many rules, that even if you want to comply, there can always be a reason. Perhaps it's that I just do not use PowerPoint but rather LaTeX for my presentations and papers? It might be the reason. There are still many parameters to try. Everything seems like a perish or perish scenario. Rigged in a way like a big scheme.
What is different this time
I was doing the we-part differently, for the first time (after all, I need to vary my parameter space as a scientist, right)? That is the competition. The one who adapts best is the winner. The first is the winner. But not all firsts are winners. It’s rigged and not fair, but that’s the culture I have to agree to. And obviously, I do obey to it. Although not everyone is happy with my interpretation of our new scientific culture. Does it make sense, though, if the adaption leads to not publishing your work?
I am still having hope that I can continue my PhD — because in the end, doing my PhD was only about publishing my research anyway. I am giving the thing many chances, and it will get another one. But hopefully, it will skip the bullshit and focus on results this time. European science is only competitive if it finally breaks that vicious cycle.
It will include using predominantly European software in the scientific process as well. Everything else is literally treason because it wastes European tax money, and thus the progress of the whole economic area and every member state.
But again, that’s just an opinion that will most likely cost me another degree. Because our elected leaders don’t agree to that.
Who knows, maybe my strong opinions are worth it in the end? Probably not, and I should finally use MS Office for my science, like in industry. Because, they are the best programs, right. And of course, it's easier to spy or steal from. Or at least it is the only option I should use. After, all, more than 10 years is almost too long of a time for a delayed reward.
Do I think German science is in a crisis? Definitely — 100%.
See you
I apologize for writing this, but my brain needs the calmness with writing about it and getting the problem out into the world. Furthermore, I want to avoid the difficulties mentioned in the future, so it's better if one is prepared for them.
So long, and thanks for all the fish, support, and your attention. ⛵️ If you find it useful, please clap-clap and follow me 💪
Join my email list 9k+ and people to learn more about the good lifestyle, technology, and money.
